THE MASK WE WEAR; THE ILLUSION OF KNOWING SOMEONE

 I used to believe that time unravels the truth about people. That the longer you spend time with someone, sharing moments, exchanging thoughts, and seeing their world, the clearer they become. 

I thought that deep conversations, mutual interests, understanding how they think, expressing passions, dreams, exchanging secrets …and everything in between were enough to truly know a person. I believed that years of friendship and love could give me access to the deepest parts of them. But I couldn't be more wrong.

February was a month of revelation; it was unexpected, unsettling, unforgettable, and an eye-opener!. It showed and proved to me that we can never actually know a person. No matter how much we think we know someone, there’s always a part of them we just haven’t met.

We all wear masks, although not necessarily out of deception but fear, habit, or maybe convenience. The truth is we can only see and know a person based on what they choose to share or show to us. Most times, we get caught up believing the version of what they show us; we end up trusting their words, actions, and preening at the newfound blooming bond we’ve created or basking in the utmost comfort of familiarity we’re savoring.

But I hate to break it to you. Life has a way of making the mask fall. Sometimes, it could be a slight slip in conversation, an unexpected truth before it can be hidden, a change in behavior, or an inconsistency too glaring to shake off, or maybe the truth has been staring at you right in the face, but you were obviously too blind and trusting to see it. At times, we’d just realize that the loyalty we once gave, all the times you’ve risked being vulnerable, was never truly reciprocated. 

And when that moment comes, when reality begins to creep in, we’d be left stuck in our heads with so many unanswered questions:

Was it all a lie?

Was i being fooled all along?

Why didn't i realize sooner?

How could they do this to me?

Sophie and Clara were inseparable. From childhood through adulthood, this inseparable duo practically did everything together. From life at school to sleepovers, coffee, and random deep conversations about life and dreams. Sophie believed Clara was her safe space, you know, that one person who knew everything about her.

But just as people, friendships are not always what they seem.

Sophie never questioned the little, abrupt red flags. The veiled compliments, indirect jabs disguised as jokes, the subtle coldness, inconclusive excuses that didn't quite add up—Clara had always been competitive, but Sophie always dismissed it as being harmless. Deep down, something just always felt off about Clara.

Till one very day, the moment that shattered everything, a casual friend they both knew unaware Sophie was listening casually mentioned how Clara had sabotaged Sophie's biggest career opportunity, how she deliberately gave her false information about an application deadline while secretly applying and securing the position for herself. She discovered she had been lied to, deceived, and kept in the dark. 

But something about this revelation had some hidden truth in it, a collection of various deceits and omitted half-truths that had been there all along, but she had failed to notice.

Sophie confronted Clara and was even more heartbroken because she didn’t deny it. Clara shrugged at it like it was nothing, saying, “How long would you keep on having everything? I'm qualified for it too, and so I took it!” with no iota of regret or remorse. At that moment the mask fell.

The laughter, secrets, promises…all of it was all an illusion. Sophie realized she never really knew her once ride-or-die friend.

But this doesn't happen only in friendships.

We all have lived under the misconception that we indeed know a person; most times we find ourselves defending them or fighting for what might end up being a lost cause.

Here’s the fact: we don’t see a person for who they really are until they take off their mask and stop pretending to be who we needed or thought them to be. 

February taught me that people can be very unpredictable, not because they change suddenly but because there was just a part of them that we just haven’t seen or met yet until life, circumstances, or even their exhaustion of us forces them to drop the act. And what cuts the deepest is accepting or figuring out that the part you once loved about them was never even real in the first place.

But here’s a slight twist: what if the mask that falls happens to be our own?

Do we in fact know ourselves as much as we think we do?

Bethany was a sweet, loving, and caring person who would often go out of her way for the people she loved. She was kind, beautiful at heart, and forgiving and was never found holding grudges. She always believed in giving people second chances, benefits of doubt at least, so she thought.

Until Nathan, whom she had loved for 3 years of her life. She had trusted him, believed in him, and built her world around him. They often talk about getting married and building a home together. Till one day an unexpected message from an unknown number left her broken; she found out Nathan was engaged to another person.

The betrayal was paralyzing, but what shocked her even more was her own reaction. She had always been the type to walk away with dignity and always allow karma to do its thing. 

But she didn’t; instead, she found herself scrolling through his fiance's profile, gathering every detail about her. She created a fake account that messaged the woman and sent her every piece of Nathan’s deception. She wanted him to suffer; she wanted his life to unravel the way he did to hers. And when this was done, when everything began to unfold, that was when a chilling realization crept in: “This wasn’t me.”

People don’t always change; they are always the way they are. You just never noticed. Maybe because they were too careful, or perhaps you were too trusting, or maybe you saw only what you wanted to believe. And just when you think you truly understand them, they catch you off guard. Either way, the truth doesn’t perpetually stay hidden forever. 

 

For me, the unpredictability of people isn’t about how sudden they change but our inability to see beyond the mask they wear till life intervenes and forces the mask to fall off. So, can we really say we know a person, or do we only just know the part we’re allowed to see? Or maybe we don’t know ourselves as much as we think we do.

It’s easy to say or think we’re good until we are tested; it's easy to think we are above revenge until betrayal rushes through our veins; it’s easy to say we can forgive easily until we are overwhelmed with anger.

So perhaps the question isn’t just who they are behind their mask; the real question is, who are we when ours finally falls?

Because when life tests us either with pain or power, when desperation takes full control, we may find out that we too have been wearing masks all along. And the person underneath, do we often recognize, do we accept, or do we wish we’ve never looked?